Oh yes this entertained me very much and this made everyone I gave it to laugh at some. So something to hopefully cheer up everyone's bad day after work or even a long.....and I mean long day of homework and school. I'm sure some of you know what I mean. Plus I'm Sorry if there is some bad lang. I'm not sure if it's against the rules but if so Sorry again. Just to make your day better. Who know's may or may not? So Enjoy Everyone!

SMART ASS ANSWER'S COUNT DOWN!!!

The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2008 !!

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight To Canada.

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in
front.

'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.



SMART ASS ANSWER #5



A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate in Florida to
check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench coat

and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see
your ticket, not your stub.'



SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store in
New York

but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy,

' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am,
they're dead.'



SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer in Montgomery got out of his car as the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied,
Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.



SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that
read:

Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of
him and his truck gets wedged under it.

Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his
hands on his hips and says,

'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this
bridge and I ran out of gas.'



SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008 !!

An Alabama college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,


or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!'

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering when silence was
restored,

the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly
said,

'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'



A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me
a compliment.

' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

Hilarious!

SMART ASS ANSWER #4, SMART ASS ANSWER #2, and SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008 !! are the best ones.

Hilarious!

Thank You kngkilgore. I'm glad you liked it. But like I said before. Some people find it funny other's don't. I just thought it may help some people here - who I won't say name's - May lighten up a bit. Trust me I hope it help's them.

Thanx again!

haha I love it too

I have a pretty good sense of humour and I can't stand it when others have NO sense of humour

My ego got a pretty good smart ass answer last Saturday, speaking of I was looking at myself in the mirror and saying to my best friend:

"I think I look kinda cute tonight!"
Whereas my best buddy says, "Okay."

funny stuff

Pretty funny, though I gotta say that I've read answer #2 before... around 2000, as a part of a slightly different list

I agree with Marv. I heard it from a comedian, a master of smart-ass remarks. His name is Bill Engvall and part of his routine is a shtick called Here's Your Sign. Basically, it's all about answering stupid, obvious questions with funny and rather smart-ass answers.

For example: (not direct quotes, I'm paraphrasing with the best of my memory)

His family was going up to Canada to see the Winter Olympics, and Bill just finished strapping on the skis on the top of his car. A neighbor comes up and asks,

"Y'goin' skiing?"

To which he replies,

"Nope! I put them on in case the car flips over on an icy road!"

Here's another:

One time he was flying to some show in a smaller plane, and when they landed, they ended up hitting a deer. Bill calls his wife and tells her, and she gets really quiet.

"Oh my God...were you on the ground?"

"Nope! Santa was making one last run!"

a friend gave these to me:

Top 20 Physics Pick-up lines!

1. Hey baby. It's massive. You know what I'm talking about.
2. What's your resonance frequency?
3. Your lab bench, or mine?
4. Don't you hate it how the coyote always remains suspended in midair until he looks down? It's just SO misleading.
5. Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm.
6. Wanna couple our equations tonight?
7. I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
8. Might I integrate your curves tonight?
9. I'm hung like a Foucault pendulum.
10. Two large masses that are close together are supposed to radiate gravitational waves. I think that you're a big part of that.
11. Einstein had great hair, didn't he? I just love your hair.
12. I know the spring constant for my mattress. Wanna take some data?
13. I haven't gotten laid in 4 years, 3 months, and 12 days, plus-or-minus 2 days. Would you care to check my error bars?
14. What's that great perfume? Vacuum grease?
15. I love you. Please don't turn away from me just because I'm a physics major. Oh, okay, I'll leave.
16. A freak lab explosion left me with this 16-inch penis.
17. You're more special than relativity.
18. Those other guys said that your eyes shine like stars. But can they explain how they shine with equal brightness? Oh, okay. I'll leave.
19. Top quark or bottom quark?
20. Bartender, bring this fine lady a Scotch and H2O. Hey baby, that's just my way of saying Scotch and Water. You like?


and another 30!
21. That dress would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 m/s2
22. Yes I do like to move fast. My style is like a 10 GeV accelerator. Do you like my style?
23. I have E=mc2 tattooed on my ass. Wanna see?
24. I have e=nhf tattooed somewhere else. Wanna see?
25. Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.
26. Most women are so complex. They're always like"i! i! i!" But you- you're just so real.
27. Let's exchange fermions!
28. Even the O2 you exhale is fiz-ine!!!
29. I might be a physics major, but I'm no Bohr in bed.
30. Can I have your significant digits?
31. Hey baby, what's your sine?
32. Heisenberg was wrong. I'm certain about what you're doing tonight.
33. Wanna expand my polynomial?
34. Like the ideal vacuum, you're the only thing in my universe. No, it's alright, I'll just go over there.
35. You and Me = Grand Unification
36. I saw your empty valence shell from way over there. Did I mention that my nickname is Sodium?
37. My friends told me that I should ask you out because you can't differentiate. Do you need math help?
38. I'll make you dinner. I'll make you breakfast. But in between, we'll have to have some dessert. And I'm a physics major.
39. How much do you charge? My paper-grading job doesn't pay a lot.
40. Your smile is warmer than hydrogen plasma.
41. Engineers don't know the first thing about pleasing a woman. Friction alone can't get the job done.
42. My last partner wasn't very stable. She spontaneously decayed last week and left me for a neutrino. Bitch.
43. I could get you Roahn Winer's autograph.
44. How do you feel about group experiments?
45. I got a pocket full of radium and my homeboys do too.
46. Would a loser be able to recite pi out to 50 decimal places? Huh? Would he? Oh, okay. I'll leave.
47. In my bed, it's perpetual motion all night long, baby.
48. I swear I'm not a physics major.
49. Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry would have caused some problems for you.
50. You make me want to be a better physicist.

OMFG ROFLMFAO



I make it a point never to date boys who can't differentiate n-degree equations with only a paper and pencil. It's true!

is this blue?!

This i don't unterstand. What is "nhf"?

what does "fiz-ine" mean?

a. I think it is blue..
b. I'm not sure either. probably has something to do with the energy of electrons n stuff
c. no idea xD

they're physics jokes and I don't know everything about physics; but some of those are really funny xD I just copied them from somewhere (a)

Nope, it's green.



Yay, a chance for me to revise my physics

E = nhf is a fancy way of telling how much energy does a photon of electromagnetic radiation have.

E is the energy of the photon

n is the number of particles we're talking about, so one photon, two photons, etc.

h is Planck constant, so just a number. It tells the size of the photon (which means they are all the same size, since it's a constant and all)

f is the frequency of the photon. If you know the wavelegth of the electromagnetic radiation, you can get the frequency by dividing the speed of light (since that's how fast photons go) with the wavelength.

So with nhf you can for example calculate how much energy does 42 photons of, say, X-ray, have (about 8,3 * 10^-16 J if the frequency is 30 * 10^15 Hz).

*sigh* I miss science. Thanks for this though, it was a blast. Hope at least some of it was understandable

...People don't usually exhale oxygen...

Actually the stuff that people exhale is mostly air, and yes, it does have oxygen in it. CPR could be rather difficult if it didn't Can't remember the exact numbers though.... I'll try and find them.

Edit: Everyone's favorite, Wikipedia, on breathing:

"The air we inhale is roughly 78% by volume nitrogen, 21% oxygen, 0.96% argon and 0.04% carbon dioxide, helium, water, and other gases."
"The permanent gases in gas we exhale are roughly 4% to 5% carbon dioxide and 4% to 5% less oxygen than was inhaled."
"The exact amount of exhaled oxygen and carbon dioxide varies according to the fitness, energy expenditure and diet of that particular person."

And to be on topic:



Personal favorite

I love this kind of stuff

should've known that.. I like physics ^^
plus I actually knew the meaning of all the letters...

Oh. Sorry. Makes completely sense, though,now when mentioned.