Hey nice....... your also very creative.......
But now I've got a new job for you(if you would be so nice to correct me, or someone else). I write this song because I saw the picture of 'Pessu' in the forum. It has nothing to to with her, but she inspired me with her beautiful look. Okay..... I hope there are not that much mistakes----- I'm still learning So here it is.......

Lonely Days In Finland

The laughing of passing days cames with the wind, behind your back.
It blows in my faces. And I felt the coldness upon my legs.
Where are you? As I turned around, just to see myself in the frozen lake behind your house,
you've disappered.

When the snow melt on your skin,
you will see the deers outside.
Playing with your thoughts of the last winter days.
The spring cames so irresistible quick
So that you still can't name what takes your breath so painfully.
Every day anew.

But I can try to kill the ghosts of your nightmares
and read the tales of your fantasies.
But you beg me.
"Don't go upstairs,
To the attic, full of cobwebs
and spiders.
You'll find my past,
trembling and whispering to it selfs.
behind the boxes of my forgotten days."

But everything is allright.
The shadow of the past is flown away with the songbirds.
So don't be hurt.
Let me be here at you side.

Look but don't wait for me.
I dont want to slow you down.
Don't want to hold your hand. If you wanna go.
But somewhen, if you dont expect me, I will be there.
So dry your eyes, don't let me drown.
On my lonely road to you.

Cool rubbishrose! Very nice! I like it! NO!!! I love it!!!
RESPECT!!!!

always nice to hear that from you.......

@rubbishrose-vocals
Nice very nice, it'll get a 9+ from me!

@TheArtist
Lovely!!!

My friend's poem:

oceans split day by day
and i am going slightly mad
i hear your voice in the receiver
but it doesn't stop the pain in my heart
the moon is so bright, the night is so good
keep your heart here next by mine
it will be forever yours
the life is a dream that we dream of
outrun the moon, catch the wind
ride the night to the end
catch the day, stand in front of the light
i still feel like the first night with you
like the first kiss
i still hold you in my arms, you ar still the one,
the first time when i saw your eyes, i felt like that
the only feeling that is stronger is the desire for loving you forever
you still light the fire
that's why if you feel alone - don't, you are the only one that i've ever desired
the heroes rise, the heroes fade
rise again, win everything
can't you feel the glory in your heart
in our joy, in our misery
we can shift the time again
take my hand, dance with me
even though we know that we shall never come again
where the love is, where the life begins
again and again and again
keep the night, keep the day
keep the love, come with me
the love is worth everything we pay for
that's why
wherever you go
whatever you do
i will be here and waiting for you
whatever it costs me
even if my heart is dying
i will be here and waiting for you
i want to spend my lifetime loving you
if this is everything in life, i'll do it
i will want nothing more from you to understand me
if i can spend my lifetime loving you...

cool poem, cool friend

Hey,geat work,Whisper!! Good poem,and good friend.
Cool!!!

I think I have to take a poem-write-break. Because I think slowly all my poems sounds the same.............. Or I'm going crazy

i don't know!? but taking a break is never wrong, you can return with even more power for poetry!

Cripes, I haven't been at this forum for a LONG TIME! How's everybody keeping? Anyway I see this has become some sort of unnoficial poetry thread so here's a few samples of my rants. I'm pretty obsessed with iambic pentameter and keeping EVERY LINE at ten syllable lines as you'll see. Actually I always thought they'd be better as song lyrics, neither do I think any of them are completed; but meh...peaches.

I Just Had To Tell You

Do you have twelve seconds to spare for me?
I can tell you about the time I died,
All I want to do is just make you see,
Lessons you were taught by teachers that lied,

You thought there was only one way to be,
You thought that there was but one way to see,
Your thoughts on existence were fried by me,
In a pan that spitted the tears you cried,

It shows my vernacular is beguiled,
It was never my aim to be supine,
I know you had to know the rectitude,
There was augmented folly in your mind,

Travelling I will always haunt your back,
Everywhere without you feel the lack,
I'll clasp you on the wrist and just say "Hi",
The truth of life is nothing but a lie.

Existo-Romantisism

Empty and cold you disassociate,
I'm but a shadow on your synapses,
You stick your nose up at my existence,
A cold shiver shoots through me and I sigh.

I am a ghost hovering by your side,
All is removed of me and I question,
Is this how it always was to have died?
I shift aimlessly through a void of death.

Outward appearances can decieve us,
I see the burning desire through your eyes,
Why do you pretend that I am nothing?
Do you enjoy to make men lose their minds?

I can no longer think I only feel,
My feelings are the anchor of my soul,
Without any feeling I am but dust,
How you make me feel defines me alive.

I think therefore I am I thinkest not,
Feeling is knowing I am what I am,
I owe you much more than you imagine,
You make me feel alive and I love you.

The Price of a Lie

Sadness made the belligerent brighter,
Screws of my melancholy turned tighter,
Where is the place that I can find wisdom?
Is it on a sign marked Keep your distance?

The drums of war grind my thoughts into dust,
To become thought provoking we all must,
Take time away from battlefields of yore,
Make peace in the present as done before.

All nations must recognise that we see,
No future for our children in bloodshed,
Have no interest in the price of oil,
I stand on this mountainside free of toil.

Whenever I see the bodies come home,
A shard of my soul begins to implode,
My humanity is intact throughout,
But leaders knew not what this was about.

Okay, here we go again...no, not too many mistakes.





Very interesting. The biggest problem I had was figuring out if you were talking in the present, past or future. It seemed like you were doing all three at the same time, sometimes using all three tenses in the same verse. You were close to this person, then far away, etc. Okay, so let me do this:

v1. I said laughter because the days were doing the laughing. Laughter was the sound. Or I could have said, "the laughing of days long passed." Too wordy, so it's just laughter. One day comes, two come. No matter how many, it's he she they or we Came, so no "s." You only have one face. Is it happening now or has it been going on for a while? Came is past. blows is present. I'm guessing you meant it as, it has come, so I kept blows, and changed it to feel, rather than felt. Cold is just cold, the -ness can work but it's unnecessary. The next part is what I was talking about before with the tenses. are is present. Turned is past. I could have said, " Where were you? As I turned,....you disappeared."
Or, "Where did you go? I turn around, ...and you disappear." I'm probably overexplaining again, so I'll move on.

v2. Snow is one massive thing, so it's snow melts. Deer is one of those words that doesn't change no matter how many of it there is. One deer, or a whole herd of deer. Same with moose. Don't ask me why, English is weird.
Again, Came works with everything, no extra s on the end. Now, in the beginning of the verse it sounds like spring isn't here yet, but Came is past tense. So I made it future tense instead.
"Will come" and "won't name." Also, Irresistable describes the coming, so that means it's an adverb. Therefore, I have to add the -ly on the end. I could have also said, "The spring will come, so irresistable, so quick," Or, "The spring will come, irresistable, so quickly." In the 2nd version, irresistable is describing spring, so it stays the same, and quickly describes the coming, the action of it.
And the common phrase is, "takes your breath away." I could have said, "takes away your breath." The first is easier.
And I could have made it, "Every day is new." I suspect you were running the sentences together. It's fine as is, but since anew is talking about your breath being taken, it could be used as one whole sentence, like:
"So that you still won't name what takes your breath away so painfully, every day anew."

v3. Again, now where are you? Are you still talking about the future, or are you back in the present? You haven't gone into the attic yet, so I made it future. Itself is one word. self is one, so no "s" on the end.

v4. Alright, this can get confusing. That's one word. But if something is all right, it's two words. Yeah, English is weird. Alright is a "yes," it's a consent. Do you understand that all right? Alrighty then, moving on!
It's either the shadow has flown, or is flying. The first makes more sense.
It's either want to, or wanna. "Wanna", is just plain bad English. It's the same as "gonna." It's slang. So I made it look nice as "Want to". (And I'm gonna wanna get outta here!) (Outta= out of)
Sorry, there is no such word as "somewhen." You probably meant "sometimes." Some time is two words, and sometimes is one. Gah! You're promising that you will be there when she's not expecting it at that moment, so I made it don't rather than won't. You're talking about that moment, not some unclear thing.
I combined the last two lines because, again, they run into each other. The last line talks about the line before it. You're saying, Don't let me drown on my lonely road to you, so, there is no reason to break up the sentence.

Now, I say that, and I look at my previous poem where I did exactly that. However, I broke it up on purpose to force a few pauses in there. I'm commanding: Give me your blessing.[break] Lest I wither. [break] And die. [break] Quench me. So if that's what you were trying to do, I understand. However, your sentences were a lot longer. If you wanted, you could have done this:
So dry your eyes.
Don't let me drown.
On my
Lonely
Road
To you.

But that's unnecessary. The two lines seemed to naturally flow together so I made them one. I know I tend to overdo this but I wanted to make myself clear. I'm no teacher, I'm just a girl who loves to read and loves poetry.

Okay? You guys are getting so good at this! I love it!

thx

@SAREK
was heißt denn
"...musst du verschwunden sein"
also bei Lonely Days In Finland, erste Strophe........
So praktisch: Als ich mich umdrehte, ... , musst du verschwunden sein.

Ich komm da einfach nicht drauf
Is das nich sowas wie "you have been disappered" ?

RubbishRose-I want you to know that I do not want to change or wreck or rip apart your poetry. That's the one thing I really do not want to do, and yet, I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm sorry if I come across that way. It's not intentional. I truly enjoy your words and I love helping you and Sarek. If I'm being pushy, or if you think I go too far, please say so. I just read over my critique and I thought, "Man, was I ever bossy!" I didn't mean to be. I just like helping out. My deepest, heartfelt apologies to you. Take your break, but please come back and dazzle me some more. You and Sarek are both very talented. I hope you both get published, or do something wonderful in the world of writing.

you have been gone = warst du fort(weg)
oder
you are disappeared = du bist verschwunden
oder
you have been disappeared = bist du verschwunden gewesen.
oder
you are vanished = du bist verschwunden
oder
you are gone = du bist fort

Als ich mich umdrehte, ... , musst du verschwunden sein.
as i turn around,......, you must have disappeared.

hoffe das hilft dir!

I never felt like you'r ripping apart my poems or like you change them.
you just have made them like they are supposed to be.
i know thats my opinion, but i think rubbishrose-vocasl feel the same way.
i really love what you are doing for us! it must have been so much work for you.
i think he don't take his "break" or "time off" of potrey because of you, but i think it is because it is difficult to
write a new poem in a fouraign language every day.
got the same kind of problem right now, cause i don't want to repead myself if you know what i mean.
but i will write something new this week and post it!
so that you can work again!
i really like you, i like your poems and i like what you are doing for me!
please don't ever stop!
cheer up!

Well,my friends, I think I kept silent enough. This is my new work! Now all depends from your decision!

Tired.

Waiting for no one,looking for nothing,
Just one desire: to sleep to forget,
Reflection in mirror,don't recognize it,
I thought about mad things,I'll never get,
Tired to ask myself: Who am I real?
Time had smeared all pictures of past,
Not life anymore,only poor existence,
Pale grey days are passing so fast.

Every tear were falling on knees,
Breaking down into thousands pieces
Each piece is like brilliant,
On a crown of sweetest princess,
Dearest thing I've ever had,
Is memories when sun were shining,
And just moment of a joy,
That I will see when I will dying.

Don't need any care,don't need a charity,
It seemes to me was so long time ago,
When I,insane, followed my vengeance,
Aimed to quell hell's flame in my soul,
Feeling so faithless,inside is empty,
Cold haze like cobweb before sick eyes,
Wailing,shrill wind sang funeral song,
Air in the city scratched my lungs like ice.

Every tear were falling on knees,
Breaking down into thousands pieces
Each piece is like brilliant,
On a crown of sweetest princess,
Dearest thing I've ever had,
Is memories when sun were shining,
And just moment of a joy,
That I will see when I will dying.

I wish to die, just so tired, don't need this lie that all is over.
My friend is pain, drives me insane, drops of rain on my shoulders.

wow this is just amazing!!!! gets a 10+ !! great work Valkyr!!!

Thx SAREK
Only can really understand me!

Hey you're a supernice person. I'm so thankfull that you correct my faults. I'm not angry or something like that.....
And SAREK is right, it has nothing to do with you. He he is also right, why. Another big reason is that I love to play guitar, and I had not much time for it, the last weeks.... because of writting all these poems. And I've got so many praises from everybody, that I have the pressure to be better with every poem. Thats hard for me. And I think I've reached the right point to take a break, before my poems gets boring.....

Valkyr your poem is ************ (don't know a word to describe it)
10,5 / 10 points ^^

@SAREK
Jo danke hat mir geholfen....

Here are some of my songs dedicated to one girl which i'm still in love, but i have been so denied...
Anyway:


Sorrow


Do you wanna know what's inside?!
There are endless halls of pain.
I think there's almost no place for sorrow!
Take a look inside and you will see how I feel.
Please don't look deeper, you will see your reflection inside...

How can this be love when you lack belief?
You ruined it all; you left me here to bleed...
Nobody's perfect .
There were some things I said to you,
and now you're angry with me - I deserve it.

We made one step forward and two steps back,
and we were watching the world falling apart,
but we were still together after all the things we were true.
I can't imagine my life without you, lying here on my pillow.
And I can't find my meaning without you believing in us!

Love is blind, but since the day you
came into my life I stopped pretending,
my madness has came to an ending!
Soon I came to realize that my story can have a happy ending...

Now I’m a man who walks alone
living a half-life without you...
What are you doing now? Trying to push me away?
I felt so empty as I cried, like part of me had died!

I need to taste one more time your lips,
I want to see you again on your fingertips!
Come and bring me back to life again!
Take me out of this world of pain and sorrow!
I still live with a hope for a better tomorrow!

I need time to release me out of this pain,
to heal my wounds, take away this sorrow...
I don't know how much time would be needed for that,
I really don't know what will happen tomorrow...

I said: “give me your hand and I will show you the world",
but all you did were the limits you heard...
I will always be right here for you,
One fool you can count always as you told me to



Broken Promises


I’m looking at myself trough your eyes
and I see picture of a sad and desperate man.
Left to feed with his pain, left to bleed and die.
I don’t see the solution, no matter how hard I try.
I’m afraid that I will never regain your trust;
I can feel your heart is cold and rust.

There were too many sleepless nights without you
This will be the last one I hope that will do
You’re so near and yet so far…lying here next to me
Many things happened that shouldn’t be

Where are all those good times gone,
when I could make you laugh in a second?
All those moments of joy and happiness will be lost in time
And kept only in our memories…

Once you touch the bottom you don’t feel anything any more.
Then you become a machine…
you have no feelings and can’t feel the pain!
If you could only see inside my core…
Words cannot express what i feel,
You got to see it to believe…

I felt so rejected, as you told me you don’t love me
You threw me out from your head and from your bed
You ripped all that was left of our love
And let the hatred come into our lives.
Where once truth was, now there are lies.

Thank you for the perfect love you gave me
I’m sorry for all the bad things I have done and I will do…
I’m just a numb guy who loves you
Father time, only you can turn the page
And close the curtain on this empty stage
Only you can take my pain away



Nobody’s Hero


I used to live but now I survive
I used to believe but now it's just one day at a time
Nothing is same any more without you by my side
‘Cause thinking about living this life without you makes me wanna die
I used to laugh but I've learned to cry
For I ain't too proud to let you see tears fall from these eyes
For all of my hopes, my heartaches and fears
For a day I just watched and you left out of here

I’m afraid and it feels like I’m too tired to fight
Even my heart don't know if I’m still alive
I never felt so all alone in this world tonight
And I don't know that you felt the same?
You've gotta know that I feel your pain
Don't be afraid
When you're on the edge, I will rescue you
When you need a friend, I'll be there for you

'Cause this time you know I ain't afraid to fight
For you I ain't afraid to die
As long as you are by my side it will be alright
When all faith is gone, I will pray for you
Just keep holding on, I'll be there for you

I didn't want to say it in this way
I didn't want to see the day I'd say these words to you
I didn't want have to explain
Sometimes we all have to lose
It's killing me to see you cry
Would it make it any better if I told you I did it all for you
Would you be okay if I say I will obey you?
Sooner or later we all sleep alone
Just don’t let your heart turn into a stone

If every moment is a memory
A faded photograph of days gone by
Can I take a little piece of you with me
For when I leave this all behind
I'm getting tired so I close my eyes
I need to look at you just one more time
And though it's over, it's never over
Until I see you again



Magician’s Tale


How can you tell when heaven became hell?
When did it all begin to smell? Tell me, how can you tell?
When did all the good things became so bad,
All the moments we shared together became to fade
All we did together got out of our memory?
How can u tell?

I believe every single thing that you said was true,
And thus I will always love you.
There is no such thing as sweet lies,
It’s like living as a shaded sight

I wake up when you kiss me in the middle of the night
You thought I had a bad dream,
But it was just your touch.
I knew then there was something wrong
I saw it in your eyes, when you were standing strong
Since then God only knows what you been through
But believe me I have been broken too

When our love began to crumble,
I felt like we rushed
It seemed we were running somewhere
You would not know,
You do not care…

So little time, so much pain.
One thing that still remains
It's the way you cared
It’s the love we shared
And through it all
You’ve always been there
You’ve always been my best friend
But without you near, I can feel the magic disappear…

All i have now are our crushed plans and the lies
I'm standing here with nothing left to show
Since the day you left me I have been so alone...


What do you think?!

Very nice,man! Cool,I say!
Especially Sorrow... Y'now, I just was at the same situation...

All right, if you say so. Thank you, the both of you, for your kind words. I'll work on some more of my poetry, too.

Waitin' impatiently!

Ah, here's one I did as an assignment. We had to make eulogies. (names changed to protect my neck!)

I know how you all hurt,
Deeply through and through.
And I hurt very much also,
For she was my friend, too.

She was a good friend of mine,
her name was Sheila Grary
She was only driving to the mall
When things got kinda hairy.

First up, there was a traffic jam
To her left drove up a geek.
He was trying to show off, being a ham,
But he spooked Sheila and she freaked.

Sheila tried to slam upon the brakes,
But she hit the gas instead.
And before she realized what had occurred,
She had hit the car ahead.

I can only guess what happened next,
The driver in front was insane.
He happened to be a weightlifter
With a very tiny brain.

He yelled and pounded on her car,
Her mother's precious Chevy.
But then he lifted the car over the side,
For him, it wasn't heavy.

Good thing Sheila wore her seatbelt
As she rolled and twisted about
When it landed though, she couldn't wait.
She left her car and ran out.

The mall was still a long ways off,
Good thing she was in Track.
For when she saw the lifter coming
She took off and didn't look back.

The mall grew ever closer then
So Sheila ran her best.
And the weight lifter grew so mad
I think he was possessed.

Sheila finally ran into the store,
In vain she looked for relief.
She turned around to look behind
And gasped in disbelief.

Security had come
Trying hard to maintain control
But stopping him was like stopping a Mac truck
For destroying her was his goal.

Sheila froze to that spot
She didn't know what to do.
But the man finally got past the guards.
He barreled straight on through.

The man was crazy, Sheila thought.
She wished the madness would cease.
She tried to take off once again
Like a bolt of lightning-greased.

But then she looked down, saw a horrible thing,
The lace of her shoe was untied!
She tore it off and ran so hard,
That she began to cry.

The weight lifter stopped at the shoe
And a twisted thought came to mind
How he would get that little Sheila
A thought truly unkind.

He reached into his pocket,
And wouldn't you know?
He pulled out a hand grenade!
His smile began to grow.

He pulled the pin from the mighty bomb
And stuck it in the shoe.
Then he gave the sneaker the ol' heave-ho,
And away
It
Flew...

A tiny squad then tackled him
But by then it was much too late.
The shock was heard around the world
For the explosion was so great.

And now my grieving friends,
Now you know the tale
Of the brave, running Sheila
You have a right to wail

She was the most generous sort,
Always smiling and kind.
But unforunately, she happened to be
In the wrong place at the wrong time.

And yes, my weeping friends, I'm done.
There's nothing more to tell.
But I will mourn along with you.
The woman we knew so well.

thats one of the funniest and crazyest things i have ever read!
poor sheila!

here we go again!

I lost my Love

I lost my creed,
i lost my hope,
i lost everything,

wanted the whole,
never got a part,
running against walls,

crying in the rain,
laughing at the devil,
talking to ghosts,

thinking of you,
dreaming of us,
awoken in the night,

can see your face,
can feel your touch,
want to caress you,

i lost my creed,
i lost my hope,
i lost everything,

cold from the outside,
inside i got burned,
nobody else knows,

the heart broken,
feelings bruised,
i'm torn apart,

speaking to myself,
shouting at the walls,
screaming in pain,

wounds that never heal,
a life that won't return,
i can't take it anymore,

i lost my creed,
i lost my hope,
i lost you,
i lost everything.

Bravo TheArtist! Bravo SAREK!!
That's just amazing!!!
Well, this is another one. A little sentimental... That's out of character for me,doesn't it?. Anyway, this is it.

Nobody's hero

Last goodbye, squeal of brakes
I never thought love could be so hurt
But I'm alone now
Right in this town
White spots of life were stained by dirt

Don't look for reasons,it's all vain
Passion kissing,pain is so pleasing
Dreams about you
All night thru
Your bright eyes were so teasing

Look from the inside on the world outside
I see your reflections in every mirror
Out of my mind,no reason to hide
Wish just to fade,nobody's hero.

You are so sweet,like an angel
Could hover in pure sky,but I cannot fly
Wall between us
Grew by high grass
All our magic time was just my lie

Cage of feelings, circle of souls' blaze
Such a sad ending,freedom is tempting
Wicked game
Cannot tame
Ruins of our home where I'm still standing

Look from the inside on the world outside
I see your reflections in every mirror
Out of my mind,no reason to hide
Wish just to fade,nobody's hero

Respect to all, poets here!!!
What a brilliant poem, ValkyrInsane! I see through your words that you suffer on new place without old friends and in unknown town. Cheer up, friend!!! Man, come the day and you will be somebody's hero!!!



Have the same feelings respectively one person...

Oh, guys, it`s so cool!!!!

New Town

we are far away from home,
strangers in this cold world,
we are hiding from the past,
running through the darkness,

trying to get things right,
hoping for one more day,
praying for our great escape,
we will start anew again,

in the city of dreams,
where nothing matters
anymore, no more,

searching for a place where we belong,
hiding away from the rest of the world,
starting again from where we began,
we are trying to leave it all behind,

in the city of hopes,
where we will kiss
again, and again,

we can start a new life,
and live in peace again,
we can be lovers again,
no need to be ashamed,

in this city we can breath again,
maybe we even can be reunited,
we are starting a new connection,
we are building a different home,

in the city of Love,
where we can be together
forever, and ever, and ever,