Got a case of serious blahs.
Some of you may already know from my various Facebook status messages, but I had one of the worst holiday seasons, ever.
As the old saying goes, when it rains, it pours.
First, half my family catches a nasty stomach flu. Because I went to their house to help out, I caught it too, and was forced to miss the holiday meal and barely managed more than a hi to my family, some who I haven't seen in 2 years.
On top of that, I had to work, of course. As a guard, you tend to work when everyone else doesn't, and I had to work my shifts with a raging fever of 101 F. Fortunately, I had aspirin with me and that knocked it down somewhat, but no one would come in early or work my shift because it was Christmas Day.
If all that wasn't enough, my BF and I called it quits due to irreconcilable differences. A small misunderstanding led to the discovery of an enormous difference in principles, you could say. The problem is that I'm a Christian, and while he labeled himself an agnostic (which usually means you're sitting on the fence) after some probing he admitted he didn't believe God exists. I can't tell you how painful that discovery is. To know that the one I loved and wanted to share my life with can't accept the most important part of myself...it's unbearable. Of course, people try to work it out all the time, but it's the most excruciating thing to watch your love pull away from you because he can't accept that you will always put God first before him. They either end up believing with you, which is rare, or you stop believing so you can be with them, which is more common (and sucks!) or the relationship self-destructs. In any case, it's a lot of pain that I didn't want in my life. I guess I'm glad I found out now, but I'm really just devastated over all of it. The love was real. At least I can now say I've felt that. I can't say I regret much, just that it had to end and the way it ended.
At least we had one very bright spot: my sister in-law finally got a job after a 2 1/2 year search, and it's tailor-made for her. She and my brother couldn't even afford to buy gifts this Christmas, so this is an unbelievable blessing. The old saying, "When God closes a door, he opens a window" rings true here, only this time the window belongs to the house next door.
So I'm going through a period of various stages of grief: sad, anger, guilt, etc. Mostly though I feel like crap. I may be over the flu, but I'm still plenty sick at heart. I'll bounce back eventually, but I think I'm just going to sit in the corner and cry for a while.