I think I know how you feel. Partially, at least.
There is something I've been wanting to write here, it's kind of on topic, I guess.. at least I really felt
like I was close to death.
December 2005, I was always feeling weak: I literally didn't have the strenght to stand up from the chair! I was feeling like life was being drained out of me, like I was fading away, like a powerless little flame. I really felt that I was dying... and I was perfectly fine with that: it wasn't the happiest period of my life, and anyway I didn't have the strenght nor the will to fight back. I was giving in, I was feeling like I was slowly leaving life and I could do nothing about it. I didn't want to do anything about it: I wanted it to end. Also because I was always thirsty, no matter how much water I could drink, thirst would never leave me. It's terrible, believe me.
And I was losing more and more weight, without any reason. I'd become so thin, I was scary! I was a skeleton!
Moreover, nobody was believing me: they kept telling me it was 'just' depression, that it was my fault and I should have been more positive about life. This was making me even more demotivated.
Weeks later I had a blood test, and that's when I was diagnosed type 1 diabetes.
They said I'd arrived there "on my own two feet" just in time, because I was about to fall in a coma. Probably true: that morning I could barely walk from the car to the hospital
I remeber the exact moment when the nurse injected me some insulin and gave me a re-hydrating drip: I felt I was being born again. It's not a metaphor: it's exactly how I felt! Like I was breathing for the first time, like I had just come back to the world
(turned out I was very dehydrated: I'd lost 6 kilos of water...). It's a sensation I'll never forget. And I was feeling like all the strenght I'd been deprived for months was coming back altogether. And all my will to live was back too, stronger than ever And what was very funny... is that from that moment on for the people around me, I was "ill", while from that moment on, for me, I was sane! They were quite puzzled with "how well I'd reacted to the news i had diabetes", but.. from my point of view, I was finally feeling fine.
end of the story, thank you for reading and really sorry for annoying you..