I know the feeling.
It's happened plenty of times to me.
But listen to this, if you get shot down then it's just a bump in the road, a part of the path you have to take to find the right one.
The world's not gonna end, just freeze for a little to the next bump comes or until you reach the end of the path.
:/

no one understands that inside me i am black...

I'm incredibly tired again. Studying is giving me quite a lot of stress -lol no time to sleep, eat or rest enough. Don't really have any free time when I could just be, listen to music or go see a movie or something like that. All I do is study. And feel bad because I'm still not doing any better. And because I don't have enough time for my dog, no time to take him for long walks. It makes me feel like a failure.

But most of all I'm sad because I had to let my boyfriend to go home again hahah. Couldn't do this without him -last year I broke down and had a panic attack at this point. It's been close even now, but luckily he's been there to hold me up. But still, I'd kill for a few days' break.

i kind of know the feeling here. I had exams not long ago and all that studying really got me down. But you seem to be working really hard and all that should pay off soon. You'll be glad you put so much effort in

Currently im sad 'cause I havent spoken to my niece and my sister properly for weeks. Her and my mum had a row before christmas and usually these things sort themselves out long before now. My niece has been poorly aswell so i dont really know how she's doing.

lol Well if it did pay off I wouldn't mind, but it won't. I learned that last year and during the fall. Yeah, I know, it might take it's time, "maybe it'll be all worth it when you graduate" -but it would be nice if it paid off a bit sooner, that there was something that would motivate me instead of putting me down.

It doesn't seem to matter how much I work for it, I still don't do any better. I guess it wouldn't be a problem if I could accept that this is the best I can give and that's fine, but I can't, lol still feel like a failure. That makes it a bit depressing

Sounds like you could really use a break tbh. Take a day or weekend off. might make you feel better and you're not exactly missing outon vital studying time if you're working as hard as you are.

What subject are you studying for?

I'm studying in college, to become a vet. At the moment I have immunology, histopathology, general pathology and specific bacteriology. I also had to read parasitology because I was working when we had the exam, had to do it now.

The first histopathology exam went pretty well. The parasitology exam on the other hand didn't go too well. Which is a bit of a downer since I haven't been doing anything but studying for a few weeks. And also because it's quite a big exam, requires a lot of work. And if I don't get the study points from that course I'm.....you could say in trouble, because then I'd probably have to pay back some of my study benefits. Can't really afford that.

Can't really take a day or a weekend off -I'll be having the immunology exam next Monday, the pathology exam a week from that on Monday, and the 2nd histopathology exam three days from that on Thursday. Our days aren't that short and quite demanding too, so I haven't had a lot of time to spare for those subjects, been concentrating on the parasitology. Which didn't go too well as said so that was a really productive way to use my time

Sorry for the ranting. I'm just a bit disappointed with myself at the moment.

Roy Scheider is dead.

the fact that you're studying subjects like that explains a lot. this is why i opted for english instead of neuroscience with psychology

Lol would have done you good to rnt by the sounds of it. Best of luck with the exam next monday.

It helped a bit yeah, but it won't save my day I'm afraid. Ah well, life sucks and then we die

True, we've got that to look foreward to at least

I needed one point to past this stupid test from epidemiology...but NO

I have to write it again

I hate when I there is 1 point lost

That SUCKS! I send you seven thousand buckets of luck and a box of tissues, it'll all be okay!!

can you send it back to be remarked?
Thats beyond unfair

having an IV/Saline for low blood pressure is no fun at all :/
having a cold, coughing all night long, and the need to vomit isnt that fun either

Sort of not really seeing any point in believing that I could be good at anything. Kind of sucks, really.

Thats terrible.. you're an incredible poet and I'm willing to bet your quite good at other things as well, get out of this slump and stare out upon the beauty of yourself!

I'm afraid it's a hard thing to acomplish when your confidence is mesured with a negative number

The world taught me that I'll be good enough if I'm as close to perfect as possible. Well, not the world really, the people in it. And now that my effort is no good for more than a to keep me from not failing....Yeah, it sort of takes you down if you've learned to believe that you're never doing well enough, that you always could have tried harder.

Ah, but it doesn't really matter, most of the time I'm perfectly used to it. Now I'm just tired and stressed out and feel like being an emo whiner

.....Whine......I wonder what cheese would go well with that.....

Just because you aren't as good as others in certain things doesn't mean you're not good enough

I know. A lot of people have tried to get me to see that But what can I say, still haven't gotten rid of it.

alright I'll leave this conversation as is

I hated when my ISP is down not for a day but sometimes a week...huhuhu (Cannot log on to this website)

Maybe your unwillingness to see how smart and capable you actually are is holding you back?

NOOOO, really?

Sorry, I just had to But yeah, that could be it...if it was possible I'm not too smart nowadays, and me being able to do things....There might have been a time when I was capable, but that has been taken down pretty well.

You know, I have always find this interesting. Let's now for the heck of assume that I know it's all in my head (I've had time to notice it you know ) -So what? I can't really get rid of it, can I? I mean sure I could try, but I think it's pretty hard to live with out a head....Or so I've heard.

Sure, it's a pain, a very very nasty pain that hurts like hell because my head happens to be a very mean one, but it's not like I can win lol

spoilt my clever moment there i dont get many of those....

well if you can ever break that train of thought of thinking you're only smart enough to scrape a pass than itll save you a whole lot of problems.
And the fact you're training to become a vet says you're smart. Must've been clever to actually get on the course

Awww, I'm sorry.....To quote today's Nemi -I've got tons of willpower, it's self-discipline I have problems with

Getting is mostly about luck -if you're lucky the questions are understandable Luck and memorising a pointless book, that's about it.

lol dw i think we all do

I have to say something because I am pissed.

Sounds to me as though you're too much in love with your excuses, DoH. Well, if that's how you feel, and you truly feel there's no use, then why complain to us about it? Why complain at all if you're not going to do anything about it? You can, but you won't, isn't that what you're saying? Sounds to me as though you need this as a crutch. Bull. I don't believe that for a second. I know what it's like to be depressed. It's all about how you look at it and what you decide to do with it. I decided I didn't want to be depressed anymore. Do I still get depressed? Yes, but now I recognize it when I see it coming and I decide to fight back, and now I don't stay depressed for very long. If you're deciding to not fight back, then quit complaining about how bad you have it. You choose how to feel about your life, no one else does it for you. It really is that simple.

Well I'm not that depressed anymore, didn't say I was. I was talking about the feeling I do have when I am depressed and feel lonely because I don't know how to trust the people who love me. So sorry for my need to tell someone how bad I sometimes feel.

I do fight back, quite a lot, but there are times when I don't get a break from it. And sorry for being weak, but I just can't fight it non stop. We can't all be like you.

lol I'm not actually angry at all. What I have written so far probably sounds like it, and if it was any other day I could be, but not today. I haven't been this disappointed with my inability to just push through without rest, my inability to keep going just because I know I have to, for a while. So lash out, I won't mind.

If I could learn how to trust people again it would probably be easier. But I don't trust, so the bad days I have to go through alone. Sorry that I can't be stronger, but as hard as it may be for you to understand, I really can't.

But you're right, it is not my place to complain. Sorry for that, won't happen again

I wasn't lashing out. I was telling you to wake up. I want you to get help. I am sick and tired of you moping about here, expecting gobs of sympathy. Where exactly have you said you were fighting back? Please show me where, if I'm wrong. Haven't you, in fact, kept repeating the same old crap that you can't fight back? That's the bull I'm calling you on, because you can. You just won't.
It's not as hard as you make it out to be. You seem to want it to be this huge insurmountable obstacle, because then your excuses would be justified. Guess what? It's not. It's not, but I'll bet you already know that.
You are largely responsible for what you feel, regardless of your circumstances. Unless someone has a gun to your head, you can choose to feel happy or not. Depressed, or not. And if you don't want out of it, fine, that's your right. But if you do, get on with it! It is possible! No more moping about how life sucks! So what if it does? Do something about it instead of mope! Moping gets you nothing and nowhere!
Be silly! Be crazy! Don't be afraid to be absolutely ridiculous in front of people! If it makes you laugh, so much the better! Live, goddamn it! Just live!