I'd have to say Late Goodbye and Everything Fades are the ones I relate to the most. They remind me of a very specific, very heartbreaking moment of my life. Its a helluva story, but I won't bore any of you with it.
O please tell... Don't keep it inside.
Perhaps getting it out will give me some relief. Here it is, this is my story.
Six years ago, I enlisted in the Army. I had just turned 18. It was one of the most trying times of my life. I was never much of a soldier, to my own dismay. I suffer from intense depression and it was only amplified tenfold by my experiences. I didn't last under pressure.
I wasn't long before I was hospitalized for my condition.
And it was in the hospital where I met her. She was a girl from California with a similar condition to my own. We hit it off as friends almost immidiately. Any friendliness goes a long way in that environment.
She was engaged to another soldier and she was to be married. I didn't want to step on anyone's toes when it came to that, but things got complicated - moreso than I would have liked.
I was walking down the hospital corridor, praying that someday my discharge papers would come through and I would be sent home. I heard her crying. I looked in the room she was sitting in and saw her with the half-busted payphone receiver to her ear, tears streaming down her face as she had the bad news broken to her. Her fiancee had broken up with her. Apparently he had been seeing someone else on the side.
I looked at her for a while and waited for her to hang up the phone. I don't know how she noticed me, but she found me standing in the doorway. She gave me a desperate look and I sat down next to her and she cried on my shoulder for a good hour.
At this point I should have thought that getting involved like this may have not been such a good idea, but I did it anyway. Maybe I was just a rebound guy, but I didn't care.
Over the next two weeks we got really close. We always ended up spending more and more time talking and in each other's company.
One day we were sitting next to each other, just talking. At one point in the conversation she fell silent. A few moments passed, then she gave me a familiar look that I'd seen before, just not from her. It was followed with an equally familiar question.
"What are you thinking about?", she said it with a smile.
I kind of chuckled and shrugged it off the first time around. She persisted.
"No really, what's on your mind?"
I told her that I had feelings for her, I just let it all come out. So did she.
"I feel the same way".
We just sat there for the next few hours holding hands and staring into one another's eyes, sharing the occasional kiss.
The time finally came when we were both sent back to our respective units. I was to be sent home after reporting back. I met her in the mess hall. Men and women in training aren't allowed to speak to one another, so we did so as discreetly as possible.
We sat down across from each other and spoke. She broke some news to me, she wasn't going home. She hadn't told me everything about what went on. She wasn't going home, she was going to military prison. The hospital was a stopover. She didn't kill anyone or anything, it was a fairly petty charge.
I told her I didn't want to leave her behind. Like before, I told her everything I still felt. Before she got up to leave, I told her I loved her. She looked at me with a despair and sadness that I'd never seen before in someone. She gave me a two word reply.
She got up and left. I never saw her again.
I know, it sounds like some made up emo garbage, but its true.